


Dilemma

by Yoan_Amara



Series: Love Song Series [30]
Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Bittersweet, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Grief, Hak/Yona mentioned only, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Wedding Night, more focused on the others, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-09 21:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18646783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoan_Amara/pseuds/Yoan_Amara
Summary: Continuation my story ‘Every Time You Kiss Me’. Two-Shots.Chapter 1.Which Soo Won unconsciously shows his feeling and tells what he’s been thinking about those two to Lily when they talking about Yona’s and Hak’s kiss on the battlefield of Xing Kingdom after Lily brings the invitation of Yona’s and Hak’s marriage and Soo Won doesn’t even get the invitation.Chapter 2.On the night which Full Moon shining at the starry night of their best friends’ wedding, Jae Ha and Lily talk about their dearest friend. It turns out that feeling dilemma is not that bad.





	1. Chapter 1

All of the Sky Tribe Army just arrive at Hiryuu Castle while the Water Tribe Army and Wind Tribe Army are going back to their territory along with their leader, except the Daughter of the Water Tribe General who stays with the King, back to Hiryuu Castle with him.

Lily puts her hand on her hips, tilting her head to the side “why did you look so upset?”.

Soo Won’s body is stiffened, he even doesn’t dare to look back to her “I guess it’s just your imagination, Lady Lily”.

Lily narrows her eyes, she doesn’t believe him “say it again, looking straight into my eyes this time”.

“why should I? We’re just back from Xing and I’m tired”, Soo Won leaves her, asking her to not follow him because he only want to take his armor off before going to his private chamber “it’s better if you rest on your room as well… good night, Lady Lily”.

With that, conversation over.

Heck, she’s even never been able to speaking with him about what happened about Yona and Hak on Xing battlefield back then. She even doesn’t know about what he’s thinking about it like what he thinks about or feels about them after he saw it with his own eyes.

In the middle of the battlefield, on the border between Kouka Kingdom with Xing Kingdom, Hak lost control again. Enraged Hak had taken Joo Doh down and he swung his spear to Soo Won which Soo Won halted with his sword this time. Soo Won and Hak fought and in the end, before Hak was even able to try to kill Soo Won, Yona stopped him with kissing him, in front of them all!?

Hip Hip Hooray for the brave red-haired Princess and the ex-general Beast!?

Lily, as Yona’s friend, of course glad with this. Even the young General of Wind Tribe that Lily knows as Hak’s closest friend, much like brother, become excited along with other Wind Tribe members.

 _“If Mundok knew about this, he would like to searching him to settle everything into wedding party on Fuuga?! Let’s back to Fuuga with this great news?!”_.

Lily can’t help but giggling as she remembers how excited Tae Woo has been when he came to her, asking her prodding questions about what she knew of Yona’s and Hak’s relationship and in the end, he told his family and yelling like that. Tae Woo and his family, Wind Tribe members were really like excited children when they knowing relationship of their ex-leader and the princess.

Lily bends her head down slightly. What makes Lily wondering like this, because what that princess Kouren was asking to the King after that.

Looking to stunned Soo Won who speechless even after Yona & co. ran away, deliberately Kouren asked Soo Won with slight smirk “heh, you’ve became really silent, King… are you jealous?”.

It needed a respite more or less about 5 second before Soo Won turned his head to her with his usual gentle (fake) smile “what did you say, princess Kouren? Of course, I’ll be glad for my cousin, after all”.

Heh, even Lily can tell that he hesitated. He couldn’t answer it immediately and the reason of why he needed a respite before he answered Kou Ren, it means he needed that much time to correct his expression and settle on his mind back to here after such event. You could say that as impact or aftershock that he got after he must have witnessed his childhood friend and his cousin (and maybe someone he loved) kissed in front of you.

Lily isn’t the type of someone who like to interfere on other’s matter. The proof is, when she asked Yona if there’s anything she can help with. When she asked Yona that if she’d like, she could talk to Hak and help her which Yona asked her not to, Lily didn’t interfere after all which mostly because she never get the chance to help her, after all.

Okay, maybe Lily would interfere in case if Lily has the chance and she has lost her patience because Red-haired Princess and Thunder Beast showing no improvement and too slow when it comes to the matter of love.

Without her help, it still ended happy ending for Yona and Hak, so it’s no problem.

The matter is the King Soo Won now.

She wants to know about how does he feel and what does he think after what had happened.

She does this because of Yona’s sake, after all.

But she never gets the chance to speaking about this, till the invitation comes to her.

* * *

That night, Soo Won sits beside the window before prying open his closed journal.

_The one that I wanted that time, there's no mistaking it, it was you. As I shut up myself from the outside, crouching in a small and sunless room, I wanted to be touched by you. For me, you are everything. If you won't be mine, then I don't need anything else. Forcing up a little bit of frustration, I just want you to stroke me if you know everything about me. Then you know you've won me over keep me around. Thank goodness that I shaped you with a feeble laugh and dog-like eyes, which I’ve able to covered my true feeling towards you._

_The one I wanted that time, Yona._

Soo Won takes the brush and dips its head into the inkbrush before he writing the next entry by himself.

_You won't forgive me for the crimes I've committed, I should accept that. The one I wanted that time, I peered at a version of you reflected in the mirror that looked like me. It was my discarded courage to say sorry that I loved you._

After that, Soo Won tries to escape from Lily when he realizes that Lily has the intention to investigating him about, well, you know it already. She is so persisted till he can’t escape again on that night.

* * *

On that night at the Autumn, just waiting several weeks for Winter to come to Kouka.

Lily who supposed to stay at Sensui after he is able to sending her back to Sensui (with the matter of the investigation and infirmary of Nadai patients’ improvement rather than spend her time on the Hiryuu Castle as the reason), suddenly re-appearing herself in front of him in his private chamber that night. Looks like she’s sneaked to Hiryuu Castle and she has asked Joo Doh to let her come inside his private chamber while he would guard the door.

Inside his heart, Soo Won wants to scolding his bodyguard _“General Joo Doh, you fiend. How could you let her come inside?”_.

“don’t worry, I’ll make it quick…”, Lily knows from his expression that he’s upset, so like she has said, she lifts one her hand which grabbing the letter “this come to me today and I’ve asked Ryokuryuu to take me here before we’re going together to Fuuga”.

Soo Won furrows his eyebrow because Lily mentions the nickname of one of Yona’s dragon companion “and that’s…?”.

“the invitation of Yona’s and Hak’s wedding at Fuuga next week”.

With that, the sky above like collapses right above his head. He has prepared himself and he has known about it already. It’s just... he hopes they would wait until he’s gone, not this fast.

Lily lifts her other hand that hiding behind her back all along this time, which she bringing a bottle of good liquor from Water Tribe “if you need a liquor, I have it already”.

Fine, this time Soo Won should give thanks to her.

Soo Won takes a sip of his liquor before swinging his cup “their wedding… so it’s finally happening, huh? I’ve known it since before but they ae supposed to wait until I’ve done…”.

Lily takes a sip of her cup as well, saying bluntly “why should they?”.

Soo Won’s head drops to the table as he putting the cup back on the table “Lady Lily, you’re so mean”.

“and you’re the one who cruel”, Lily retorts and puts her cup on the table. Looks like she can manage her own liquor better than Soo Won and she doesn’t let this opportunity slipped off of her hand at this time “tell me one thing, did you ever love Yona?”.

Soo Won lifts his head, looking straight to Lily so she’s able to seen the truth she’s always been searching of him on his eyes, he doesn’t care anymore “yes, I did… I do love her… I loved her and I still do… are you satisfied now?”.

Lily barely drops her cup.

Surprised? of course.

She doesn’t expect that he would confess his feeling to Yona this time after all the rejections from him all these times, but with this all of her questions are answered.

He’s stunned and hesitated at that time after Kouren asked him if he’s jealous or not and he needed a respite to answer Kouren, because Kouren was right, he’s jealous, he was shocked by what he’d witnessed.

Many emotions appear inside Lily’s chest, resurfacing on its way to the surface. One of them is anger for what her beloved friend must be suffered. Enough to makes her snarling to him.

“you bastard… how could you do that to her if you’d truly loved her?! Have you no shame?! She loved you sincerely and what have you done? You only hurt her?!”, Lily slams the table and rises from her seat “she shouldn’t love you from the first place… you haven’t deserved for her love, at all?!”.

Soo Won grasps both Lily’s shoulder, shoving her to the wall “I know?! but do I have a choice when this country’s fate only waiting for its downfall?!”.

In front of Lily, Soo Won confesses his dilemma.

His reason for what has he done all this time.

His resolve to throw away everything, reform Kouka Kingdom into the strong country it was, reuniting the Five Tribes and protecting this country from foreign countries invading during this time even if it means he must have lost the most precious person of his life, trampled and cast them aside.

What he felt or he thought to Yona and Hak since before his betrayal till now.

How hurt it felt because his beloved and his closest friend hate him, even trying to kill him.

How he wanted to apologize to them even if he knew they would never forgive him, yet he didn’t know what to do because he already knew, no matter what happened and what he did, he wouldn’t able to forgiven so what he’s able to done only fulfill what he strived to do and hoped for their happiness, so when he’s done with everything, he could’ve gone without any regret.

Soo Won leans his head to her shoulder before slumped and kneeling before her “I knew this would happen… I even wanted it to happen, eventually… but she was supposed to wait until after I was gone… after I’ve done with everything so I could’ve died without regret… so I needn’t to felt this hurt and this loneliness… I knew I shouldn’t feel or think like this, but I can’t help it… when I knew Yona’s feeling has changed, I felt happy for her and Hak, but I felt jealous as well… even for a moment, I’ve thought that I regret it… because I had let ‘em go, but… nothing I could do, nor I deserve to think or feel that way…”.

Lily narrows her eyes, she wraps her hand around his shoulder, the only thing she can offer as she witnesses how broken he has become “you’re really stupid… if in the end you’ll regret this, you’re supposed to not trampled and cast them aside from the first place. Do you think, why am I angry to you?”.

After that, Lily tells him about what she’s been speaking about with Yona on that night about what Yona wanted to do with Soo Won that Yona still willing to understand of him from the different point of view and with different feeling. Lily tells him about what Yona told her about what does she feel about Hak, that Hak’s grief will never be healed. Lily tells him what she knew from Tae Woo about what Hak said to Xing people about him which make Tae Woo thought that Hak still believed on Soo Won.

“after Hak tried to kill you, do you think how scared and sad Yona has become? She thought Hak’s smile would disappear and when she saw him smile for the first time after he tried to kill you, which it needed several days for him to able to smile and laugh again, do you think how happy and how relieved Yona after that? With the slight of hope and pray to the God, she even cried when she hugging Hak because she felt so relieved when she saw his first smile after he tried to kill you, you know? She begged to the God to heal and remove all of Hak’s wound, whether it’s wound on his body or his heart which caused by your betrayal…”, Lily grabs his shoulder and faces him straight face-to-face, her blue eyes looking straight into his eyes “of course I’m angry because you hurt my friend. I understand that you have your own reason for what have you done, but it didn’t mean you can have that as a reason to hurt them and betray them when they trusted you, they have trusted and cared for you all along this time. Even death isn’t enough, to redeem for your sin... You should live, live a life and do what you can do as the King, till the day will come, when they think they can forgive you and you think you can forgive yourself”.

After that, Soo Won pulls her into his embrace. When Soo Won cries on her shoulder, Lily can’t help but feel, that the King himself still only a mere human and a man who still can feel lonely because left behind alone and jealous because the woman he loved. A human with all his weakness, no matter how hard he tries to cover or hid his feeling.

* * *

Outside the door, Joo Doh furrows his eyebrow, listening carefully about what Lily and Soo Won have been speaking about inside Soo Won’s chamber. He leans his head on the pillar before looking above where the moonlight glittering between the dark of the Sky at the night “three of you, really… it would be better for you to relax your shoulder and be honest with yourself for a moment, Your Majesty”.

Right, that’s why he let Lily comes inside Soo Won’s chamber and confronts him. A moment of honesty and grieving, despite it would mean nothing and it won’t change anything, at least he’s able to relieved himself if he would able to get the shit off of his chest.

Not long after the sounds of someone’s sobbing inside subsided, a creak of the door can be heard and Lily stands beside the opened door “…I’ve done”.

After Lily gives her thank you to Joo Doh for letting her meet with Soo Won at this late, she stands near the fence where no one around her except Joo Doh watches on his patrol. Joo Doh sees Lily stops her track near the fence before clasping her hands twice.

Green Dragon pops his head from above, landing on the fence and reaching his hand to Lily “everything is settled? Are you ready to go?”.

Lily nods her head and wraps her hand around Jae Ha’s neck, leaning her head to his shoulder “let’s go”.

After lifts her on his arm securely and carrying her bridal style, Jae Ha waves his hand to Joo Doh “hold on tight, Lily-chan… oh, say hello to your King, from his cousin who will marry with her lover and tell him, if he wanted to come to their wedding, it would be better that he come with disguise because he’s not invited at all”.

Joo Doh sighs heavily, a vein popping on his head when Jae Ha leaves with Lily “…geez, should I put the guard above the roof for tighten the surveillance on the Castle?”.


	2. Chapter 2

Above the sky at the night when mostly of people starting to prepare to bed or rest after all of their daily activity on the daylight, there’s a shadow along with the streak of Green and Navy Blue. Green Dragon carries the Daughter of Water Tribe on his arm, soaring to Fuuga from Kuuto after their little sneaking activity to the King’s chamber on their sudden visit to Hiryuu Castle.

Jae Ha realizes how low-spirited her become when he looking down to her pouting face that rather cute he thought, but it’s so unlike her usual “what’s wrong? You look upset”.

Lily sighs and leans her head to his chest “just think that I’m tired…”.

“regret about your sudden visit?”.

“no”.

“then what is it? Did the King say something?”.

“nah, don’t remind me… it has made me upset already, big bro…”.

Because looking to disheartened look on her blue eyes, Jae Ha decides to not pushing forward this time “as you wish, Dear”.

* * *

On the night which Full Moon shining at the starry night before the wedding tomorrow, on Fuuga everyone put inside the feast. Lily sits on the veranda and from the building across the building where the women take their feast, one of men inside that building where mostly the virgin men who take a feast tonight, appears on the veranda as well. Jae Ha sees Lily on the veranda, so he leaps to the veranda where Lily is, even if Lily shakes her head ‘no’ before he leaps to there.

Lily squeals as Jae Ha landing beside her, smacking his bicep “gosh, you’ve scared me!”.

“come on, I’m the soaring Green Dragon, I wouldn’t fall to the ground that easily”, Jae Ha chuckles before he sits beside her, offering the liquor and asking her about why she’s alone here but Lily turns her head, asking him to going back to his habitat with his friend. Instead, Jae Ha caresses and pats Lily’s head which makes Lily turning her head.

Lily blushes in confusion, she really doesn’t used to being treated like this by other especially the man beside her, the man who older than her “…what are you doing?”.

Jae Ha smiles lightly “I think you feel lonely…”.

“it’s not that, just…”, Lily lifts her head above and stares at the beautiful full moon at the Sky at the night “the moon is beautiful, yet sometimes it is really felt so sad… is it never felt lonely because always be alone?”.

Jae Ha blinks before chuckles. When Lily furrows her eyebrow, asking him what’s so funny,

Jae Ha answers her with slight sincere smile “do you realize about what did you say? Moon has never been alone”.

Lily blinks with blank face, maybe still processing about what he tells her.

After he puts the liquor on the floor between them, Jae Ha lifts his forefinger to above which Lily following his finger with her gaze to where Jae Ha pointed “look above, it has the stars, the dark cloud and the Sky at the night. That’s why, Moon never has been alone at the Sky of the night, right? besides I thought, the Moon never thought that its always all alone as well, that’s why Moon always shines even in the darkest night”.

Lily cups her cheeks to hide her blushing face, she’s struck in awe “you’re so romantic… or does it because you’re a flirt? Hak has told me once to be careful with you because you’re the dangerous pervert, though”.

“now, now, that’s harsh, I’m only kind-hearted gentleman who love every beautiful things in this world”, Jae Ha chuckles before looking back to her “something must be happened back then at Hiryuu Castle, right? what that King had told you when you met him to tell him about Yona’s and Hak’s wedding?”.

“you’re really persisted, huh?”.

“you’re the one who stubborn, just like Yona-chan”.

Lily sighs and she tells Jae Ha about what she heard from Soo Won that Soo Won did love Yona and he still do. She leans her temple on her forehead before resting her cheek on the hedge, looking to Jae Ha “I don’t understand at all, if he truly loved Yona, how could he do that to her? It’s enough to make me furious and I lashed him out but when saw him broken in front of me, it didn’t make me feel happy or relieved, yet it just felt hurt to me as well… I wonder if I stuck my nose in too far, even if I told myself that I was investigating it just for Yona’s sake… I couldn’t tell Yona, not now when she’s married with Hak and I don’t want to ruin their happiness… in the end, I didn’t know if I would able to tell Yona or not, nor I should set my foot on this matter from the first place or not… it make me thought that I’m really arrogant and selfish, huh? For talking that way to him boldly, yet I didn’t know about what they felt”.

“not only you who thought that way, dear… I thought the same as well, not long after I knew if that man was the one who kill Yona-chan’s father and looking Hak cried at that time… I should say, at the same time I felt guilty because I stopped him after I saw his reaction, how he turned into broken like that… but on the other side, I told myself that my choice wasn’t wrong and I depended on myself that I didn’t wrong at all because I only wanted to trying to protect Hak or Hak’s life would be in danger at that time”, Jae Ha smiles, the same smile with his smile that he showed to Kija after he told Kija that he wonders if he stuck his nose too far as well, mirroring her gesture before caressing her head “in your case, I don’t think you’re arrogant or selfish. No wonder if you’re angry to him, because he hurt your beloved friend but the reason of why you felt hurt after saw him broken, because you’re too kind, Lily-chan… you felt hurt because you hurt someone and you felt guilty, because you care for him, too”.

Lily smiles back, telling him that maybe he’s right “we’re rather selfish, huh? Doing as we please even if we never asked to doing so”.

“oi, Jae Ha?! What are you doing there!?”, Tae Woo shouts from the veranda on the building across them which make Jae Ha and Lily turning their head to source of sounds. Across them, they see Tae Woo crosses his arm with scowling face and Han Dae grins, resting his hand on his friend’s shoulder while yelling “come on Jae Ha, come back here and join us?! Don’t just make lovebird nest there?!”.

Tae Woo flicks his middle finger to Han Dae’s forehead “let me correct you, they are not lover”.

Jae Ha grins ear to ear, suddenly have very good idea popping inside his head and yelling back “don’t worry, Tae Woo-kun?! I won’t eat or flirt your lover?!”.

Tae Woo and Lily blush furiously, yelling to Jae Ha in unison “who did you calling as lover just now?!”.

The door on women’s and men’s building are instantly opened wide suddenly by Wind Tribe members “EH?!”.

Wind Tribe’s men immediately drag Tae Woo, cornering him with prodding question like “eh? Lover? Lord Tae Woo, why did you not tell us!?” or “Lord Tae Woo, we don’t know if you’ve tied in relationship with the Water Tribe Lady” and etc.

On the other building, Wind Tribe’s women also drag Lily, giving the same reaction which Lily and Tae Woo groan in frustration because Jae Ha’s freak, again.

Both Tae Woo and Lily, on their place each other, they slap their forehead before yelling “Jae Ha?!”.

That night, Tae Woo meets with Lily on his night walking to get the fresh air outside when Lily also wants to get some fresh air. Tae Woo offers her Walking side by side with her, Tae Woo apologizes for his excited, loud and boisterous friends.

Tae Woo sighs before scratching his cheek awkwardly “please, forgive them... they’re always so loud and noisy when they got excited like that”.

“I know”, Lily giggles, she has known about how Wind Tribe people work “I think it’s really interesting. You really have a good family, General”.

“they’re just a noisy bunch”, Tae Woo waves it off and grins amusingly when Lily rolls her eyes to him “you could just call me Tae Woo, Lady Lily. You’re only a year under my age and you’re the daughter of Water Tribe General, after all”, Tae Woo chuckles before nervously admit “you know, about Jae Ha’s bad joke, that we’re being together... I feel relieved that you don’t feel upset or mad, I’m worried if you don’t like it and it’s annoying for you, not to mention what King Soo Won would react over—”.

“wait, let me clarify it”, Lily know to where this. True, there are some people who think that she and Soo Won are in love to each other, but the idea one of those people is Tae Woo really upset her, somehow “really, Tae Woo... at first, you thought I was being together with Jae Ha, and then King Soo Won?”.

“well, I thought you seemed attached to Geun Tae at first, you ogled her sometimes”.

Lily stomps her foot before walking away “I can’t believe you!?”.

Tae Woo furrows his eyebrow, following her “wait, why do you mad?”.

Walking faster, she doesn’t even care to look behind “I am not mad!?”.

“yes, you are”, Tae Woo states firmly before catching her wrist “please, tell me where do I go wrong? did I cross the boundary?”.

“it’s not that you cross the boundary. Not that I’m mad just because you could see through me when I loved General Geun Tae, or thought that I was being together with King Soo Won or Jae Ha while in fact they’re just my friend and perverted big brother figure, it’s just...”, not looking back, Lily lowers her head further “...I don’t mind at all, I like the idea that we’re being together instead, or it’s just me who feel this way toward you? if it is, then it means my feeling is unrequited—”.

Tae Woo turns her body facing him and grabs her biceps. Looking down to her teary-eyed, he kisses her eyelid, successfully stops the tears brimming on her eyes before he kisses her lips gently. Lily’s eyes widen before she’s blushing.

With her hand touches his chest, she asks after he breaks the kiss “Tae Woo, you’re drunk?”.

“a little”, Tae Woo exhales long, deep sigh in relief before leaning his forehead into hers “do you mind?”.

“I guess I’m rather drunk, too. Good thing is, I’m still sober enough to know...”, Lily wraps her arms around his shoulders “I don’t mind at all”.

Tae Woo chuckles at her yelp when he carrying her bridal style and giving a quick peck “oh? It’s my first kiss, though”.

“so do I”, Lily blushes and clears her throat “but... why kissing me?”.

“the truth is, the reason of why everything about you stir me crazy because...”, Tae Woo puts Lily down on the stone fence where they can see the beautiful scenery of Capital Fuuga down there “...I’m in love with you”.

That night they kiss again, intimately, passionately, in mature way.

With their lips still keep in touch, Lily whispers huskily “you’re a great kisser”.

“you’re the coolest woman I’ve ever met. Before, I was feeling anxious, to lay my hand on you, it felt like I would cross the boundary and I felt dilemma because our tribe is different but now...”, Tae Woo smiles before lifting her hand. He pecks the back of her hand, looking straight to her “would you give me a honor to court you?”.

Lily smiles broadly and wraps her arms around his shoulders before kissing him again “you should ask my hand to my father properly, then”.

Without they know, Jae Ha leaps to the Wind Tribe manor to announce that there will be one more couple who will officially be married. Tae Woo and Lily have no idea how rowdy and boisterous the scene after they come back later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of fanfic story this time has taken from the title of Japanese song with title ‘Dilemma’ by Speena. Actually, I find it from AkaYona AMV using this song.


End file.
